The Downside of Long Distance Relationships

Alternative Title: My Thoughts on the Waiting Game…

I’m not that good at long distance relationships. As much as I still think that meeting this way has its benefits, being far away from my partner is hard. From past experience I’ve found that at about the three-week mark I start to feel more emotionally detached. It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen M. We have 16 days to go. Luckily there is a definite end date, and the eventual reward makes all this waiting worth it. But intellectual knowledge and emotional responses don’t always coincide.

I don’t know how other people feel about their long distance relationships. I know that some people live apart for months or years. For me, unless there is an extreme reason to be apart, I want to be with my partner as much as possible. (To be clear, I mean in a normal way – with jobs and whatnot; not a stalkerish way where they have to actually be in the same room with you all the time). With a long time apart I start to question the point of the relationship. I start to feel less of an emotional connection than I’d like.

Luckily there are ways to cope with this. One is my intellectual knowledge that this is only short-term and the eventual gain will most likely be worth it. I certainly am not interested in dating others, or cheating. That’s not even a consideration. So I just try to accept that I may feel a bit disconnected and/or cranky – alone in my head, or with my partner. I shared this with M yesterday, so he was aware of how I’m feeling. Our relationship is built on honest communication, even about potentially negative things.

The other method is to just act the way I want to feel. To a point. I don’t want to be completely false. But there’s nothing wrong with a bit of positive talk, using “I miss you” language, even if I’m not 100% feeling the sentiment all the time. I think it’s still better to maintain a good level of communication and flirtatious banter. We both need to stay engaged and make sure the other person feels appreciated, while we wait it out.

After all this long distance communication I am starting to feel at a loss for interesting things to say. My life is onhold at the moment, so there isn’t much going on with work, new hobbies, or reading, to provide discussion topics. So we also make sure to do things that keep us connected, but don’t really require talking: we’re playing an awful lot of Trivia Crack, Word Crack, and Draw Something lately.

I’m trying to strike a balance between relaxing, to keep myself in a more patient frame of mind, and slowly accomplishing move-related tasks. I also have occasional socializing opportunities. I find my mental state is better when I don’t worry too much about not accomplishing anything at the moment. I remind myself that very soon I will be living with M, who has a regular job, and I will be trying to find work in some manner and getting to know Yellowknife. Soon enough there will be ample things going on. I should enjoy the little break between my previous life in Winnipeg and my new life in Yellowknife.

That’s where I’m at today. My emotions are up and down, but overall I’m just waiting, slowly moving towards my moving date.

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